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About Me Member Experimental Photographer Ellie17/Female/British Indian Ocean Territory Recent Activity Deviant for 3 Years
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Statistics 424 Deviations
2,363 Comments
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faile

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my art varies from pics of friends, to landscapes, to words that mean something to me, and to my crazy art. its all so emotional to me. and has deeper ties and meanings than some people. i still need to work though. art is forever changing and growing. id like thank those who have grown with me.

Devious Journal Entry

Wed Aug 5, 2009, 2:03 PM
things seem so different now. even when you turn back to the same familiar faces. and continue the same routine that life puts infront of you. something has changed.

maybe its time.
maybe its me.
maybe its him.
or the others.

the music is the same.

the music has always spoken those same words

i feel so full sometimes. so amazing. life is amazing. i enjoy life alot more than i used to. i want to live it.

but other times i cant avoid what gets me. i cant avoid that seeping guilty pain. i become smuthered with the very smoke i use as a vice. but i cant get a grip of it. i try to catch it in my lungs. and it always leaves.

and at times i feel like things where meant to be. but they arent. im just repeating the same old fucking mistakes i always make. i always find myself in the same situation every day of over year. and he makes it seem ok. but i doubt that it really is.

her death is haunting me. i keep having dreams. i dont know how to confront it. i dont know how to cope with my mothers death. its been months. and is still cant breathe in that god damn house. i can smell her decaying body. it haunts me. i feel her behind me. disgusted with everything i do. like she has always been.

jake is something else too. i dont know what to do.

but i catch myself thinking...

maybe people tell me not to do something for my own good. but doing whats good for you isnt always whats right for you. i know that doesnt make sense. but with people. with relationships. with love. it does. because whats right and whats good are two different things. and i dont know which to chose.

im tired of making other people happy. im tired of having to prove myself. im tired of having to be "better". i just want to do what i feel like i should do. what i want to do. what i think i need to do.

  • Mood: Agony
  • Listening to: chevelle
  • Playing: mortal kombat

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: in a cage with a tight leash around me
  • deviantWEAR sizing preference: adult medium/small
  • Print preference: free
  • Interests: anarchy, guitar, all arts
  • Favourite movie: im not sure anymore
  • Favourite band or musician: pink floyd, deftones , radiohead
  • Favourite genre of music: alt. rock, indie, alt./death/black metal, classic rock, industrial, good music
  • Favourite artist: Banksy! he is fucking awesome
  • Favourite poet or writer: kelso and hunter s thompson
  • Favourite photographer: its not the photographer or the photgraph, its the object
  • Favourite style of art: pop/pshyc, random cartoons, surreal and dark
  • Operating System: the belly of buddha
  • MP3 player of choice: ipod nano cause they suck
  • Shell of choice: macadamia
  • Wallpaper of choice: ducks... everywhere
  • Skin of choice: YOURS
  • Favourite game: mind games and russian roulette
  • Favourite gaming platform: hyrule castle
  • Favourite cartoon character: gir, shnitzel, the cheshire cat, waffles, courage, and flapjack and bubby
  • Personal Quote: there is no hevean with out a hell
  • Tools of the Trade: chopsticks, hair jell, and on occasion a chainsaw.

deviantID

some may think im weird or that i overreact. but i am me, and thats who ever you want me to be

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Comments


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:iconnermal95952:
you're not good enuf
:iconqwertyuiiiop:
oh fuck my life, i messed that up

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life is just an ironic accedent

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:iconqwertyuiiiop:
you cant triforce

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life is just an ironic accedent

-[link]
:iconnermal95952:
yes i can
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:iconunsealingwolf:
I love you ellie.

--
A boy asks his grandma "have you seen my pills marked lsd?" the grandma says "fuck the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!"
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:iconjudyart:
hi! thank you for the fave !!

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